Just some reflections over the past week:
I still haven’t managed to make my blog site look like I’d visualized. That’s okay, though; I’ll figure it out, and if I can’t, the Digital Connections is starting this week, and I’m sure I’ll learn.
I was thinking it was going to be really hard to keep up with the homework… but I’ve managed to submit all three “Tangible” items and keep up with reading Scroll One three times a day, reading the MasterKey once a day, the BluePrint Builder out loud once a day, and of course my DMP. Out loud. Three times a day. Once I’d actually written it out. Geez, does that feel weird the first few times! Now I just hope I won’t have memorized it too much, because today I got my first set of suggestions back from my Guides! Time to go back to work!
Sitting still for fifteen minutes a day was actually the easiest portion of the homework for me; I used to meditate regularly. I do think that on Thursday I went above and beyond though. As always, the door was shut so the cats couldn’t be furry, attention-demanding, distractions… but there was mosquito in the room. And I sat still as it buzzed and whined… and stopped. And then buzzed and whined… and stopped. And then buzzed and whined, and this time when it stopped I could feel it walking around on my forehead! And I made myself be still until the timer rang (I’d worked myself up to eighteen minutes by then). Ugh!
Not that reading is hard! I love to read (well, obviously – you can see my office. They’re for research. Honestly. No, really – part of being a good writer is reading a lot so you can get a feel for writing styles and genres. Okay, okay; they’re only for research in a very minor way. Mostly I have them because I love to read). No, my difficulty with the reading was in the mental focus. In the back of my head, I kept reacting to the words I was reading by remembering other times and associations I have with the information in the MasterKeys. So… scattered consciousness. Not Good. Oftentimes I’d have to read the same sentence three or four times before I was focused on the words and only the words.
One of the thoughts that keeps recurring is a long-held belief of mine, carefully kept silent whenever the subject came up after the first few times I tried to share my viewpoint. Raised Catholic, I’ve had trouble with religion since just before I was an adolescent. I’m fine with people believing whatever works for them, and I really dislike when people try to force-feed me their truth. One of the areas where I differ from the mainstream is in knowing in my heart of hearts that I was not sent to this world incomplete, or ill-equipped for the challenges I would face. I was born with all the internal tools and abilities I need to live and grow as a spiritual being; to me, seeking help from a source outside myself – as I was taught to do when I prayed – is tantamount to an insult to my creator, a suggestion that I can’t handle what I’m facing because S/He/They built me incorrectly. So when I read the lines, “Nature has already supplied me with knowledge and instinct far greater than any beast in the forest…” and “All power is from within, and is absolutely under your control…” I feel…
I feel relieved – I’m not crazy. I feel, yes, vindicated – I’ll have to work on that, since the people I shared this belief with (however derisive they were toward me), don’t need my beliefs force-fed to them, and I shouldn’t care what they think anyway. And I feel cautious – this could simply be a misinterpretation of the MasterKey on my part, fueled by those years-ago forcible squashing of my truth.
So here I am now – ready and waiting to take flight and see where the winds take me!