Ooh, tricksy! It’s tricksy, my precious!
This week’s sit is to picture a black square against a blank wall, with a circle inside and dot at the center, which is then pulled out to become a cone. The lines are black until we change them to red, to yellow. Despite the difficulty of basically meditating with my eyes open, seeing this figure in my mind’s eye was fairly easy. I could throw the shapes together, change the colors of the lines, make each line a different color. Easy-peasy, especially when I pretended that the square and circle were from my shapes-and-colors chart. And it didn’t take anywhere near fifteen minutes.
Then I spoke with a fellow MKMMAer – what was the point of the exercise? I wanted to know. He said he was actually trying to convince his physical eyes to see it, there on the wall, and then pull it off the wall and rotate the geometric figure in the air, seeing from all angles and with all colors.
That… put a very different complexion on the exercise. Seeing something imaginary with my physical eyes, like an afterimage? How, without staring at a physical image first? But what he was saying felt right, in as far as the spirit of the exercise was concerned, and it definitely sounded challenging enough to hold my attention for fifteen minutes or more.
Oh. My. Word. I stared. And stared. And stared. Forget a whole square, I’d settle for just the first line! I can picture it in my head, but my eyes stubbornly refuse to see anything other than the speckles on the ceiling (all of my walls in my office, where I do my sits, are full of books and shelves – well, you’ve seen pictures in previous posts). There isn’t a square there, my eyes insist. Just random speckles from the roller that created them. No pattern. Certainly no black. And the harder I concentrated on trying to see that line, the sharper and more distinct the random speckles became.
Then the back of my mind got bored and started playing with a passage in one of my books. My main character is learning a new skill, and her teacher keeps saying, “Again.” “Do it again.” “Not good enough. Try it again.” “Again.” (I will persist until I succeed…)
Playing with that passage led to another story I’m working on, and the back of my head started working on the next scene in the book, all the while I’m trying to drag it back to the matter at hand until I gave up, and just let that part of my mind play.
And there it was. On the ceiling, a bluish-black square, like an afterimage when you stare at something for a minute and then glance to a white wall to see the negative. It was oriented like a diamond in my eyes, but it was a square and it was there. I blinked before I could draw the circle and the image disappeared, but I had seen it! How?
And I remembered the Law Of Relaxation. Mental effort is self-defeating. If I hadn’t been lying down I probably would have kicked myself. As it was, I just sighed and apologized to that part of myself that is wiser than my conscious awareness.
And then I tried again.
Today being Thursday the sit will be about my Press Release, but tomorrow… Ah, tomorrow I have the way of it. Let the forefront concentrate on what I want to see and let the back of my mind play wherever it will, even though it sounds contrary to developing that laser focus the magnifying glass embodies.
Perhaps it has something to do with the concept of relaxed intensity.