Just a couple of thoughts this week – nothing really profound. But as I sit contemplating what I’m thinking, there’s a part of me that’s wondering – if the “I” is telling me what I think, then when I’m thinking about what I’m thinking, who’s thinking that? And then who thinks about what I think about what I’m thinking when I’m thinking about my thoughts?
Yes, I probably could go round-about like that all day. But it illustrates the point, because even if I did go round-about all day, I still couldn’t come to the point where I could say, “Yes. That’s the point where my mind/spirit/body becomes my “I.” The “I” has an infinite recursive capacity for observing what I’m thinking and then thinking about what I’m observing and observing what I think about that, and so on.
Like that really cool drawing of a hand drawing a hand drawing a hand drawing a hand…
Could mind-boggle you to the point of being overwhelming if you’re not careful.
This is a difficult week for me. I came to the realization that if I do not generate enthusiasm (which is necessary to create success under the thought charged with feeling becomes belief process) then I am not truly the master of myself. If I were, I could choose and generate any feeling I wanted. If I can’t, then any self-mastery I thought I had achieved is illusion.
And every reason I have for denying myself enthusiasm is merely an excuse so that I don’t have to do the work of remembering how to be enthusiastic – not momentarily excited; that’s easy. But it’s also brief. Enthusiasm is kind of the marathon version of excitement.
The other reason this week is difficult is the whole concept of “Everyone quits.” See, it is in fact possible to complete this course without giving 100% best effort – I proved that last year. And the gods only know how far I set myself back simply because I was enjoying being contrary.
So why not do it right this year? Throw myself into it wholeheartedly, and see what kind of different results I can create?
Which brings me right back around to the necessity of generating enthusiasm, and my current lack of self-mastery.