First of all, since I know you’re going to notice – No, I did not post my Week 11. You don’t get to see my week eleven. An honest writing of week eleven (and yes, it would have been a couple days late) turned out far too intensely personal to be allowed into the world at large; and to modify it enough for me to be comfortable sending it into the world would not have been honest. So some form of compromise was necessary, since this experience is designed to evoke the authentic self.
What I will tell you is that week eleven was spent in various stages of anger. And I’m okay with that. Why? Because once the anger finally burns itself out, it leaves behind clarity. I welcome clarity.
There is a difference between truth and faith; there is a difference between resisting changing an internal blueprint and denying the authentic self – the key lies in determining where one stops and the other starts – because sometimes the one looks awfully like the other. Asking questions is critical to figuring out which is which. And so is listening – sometimes to the most unlikely of sources.
But enough about last week.
This week is not so angry – mostly because of anticipation. We are heading out to the east coast to visit with family – the whole lot of us (16 people from Mom and Dad all the way down to seven-month Everett!) are getting together for Christmas!
There is a part of me that wonders how well my no opinion, no judgement, no negative thoughts or statements, is going to hold. Family has a way of knowing the most sensitive buttons to press. But it is more curiosity than concern, which I reckon up as a good thing. Seeing as how I have firmly in mind that nobody but me chooses how I feel (even if certain members of the family try to tell me what I’m thinking and feeling in any given moment), I should do just fine. I shall craft in my head wonderful conversations, beautiful experiences, form them so firmly and thoroughly that the universe cannot help but arrange matters exactly how I imagine them.
The long dark is nearly over – soon the sun rises longer and stronger, day by day! Each day I create a new low-content journal to publish, each week I rewrite another chapter of my current book; soon I shall be photographing sunrises again! I have only a year left before we head to South Dakota; and I want those 366 sunrises from the eastern overlook of Barn Bluff!