Week #17 – As above, so below; as within, so without

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Wow – is it Thursday again already?  Yep, must be – it’s written on my schedule to write and post a blog today.

You know, honestly, I follow along with the MKMMA, I do my best to meet all the requirements, and yet I find I am learning more about myself, what I’m meant to do, how to arrange my life so that I am happy, through my sunrise project on Barn Bluff than I am through the MKMMA exercises and webinars – making the walk, taking the pictures, writing my photography blog.  I suppose it’s partly because there’s lots of time for introspection and contemplation of the world within while walking the trail.  But it’s also that I’m out here doing something that I enjoy.  If you’ve gotten all this way into the MKMMA course, you should already be doing things that support your deepest desires – the DMP, the index card with the Plan of Action and all, should take care of that.

But if you’re not – if you’re still wrestling with who am I really, and what am I meant to do? – then do yourself a favor.  First of all, STOP OBSESSING.  Mental effort defeats itself, remember?  Just… get out of your own head.  Commit to a daily series, whether it be writing a poem a day, or taking a set of pictures, or sketching, or painting, whatever you like to do.  Find the time, find the attention to spare for it.  You’ll discover that the very act of commitment, followed by the activity every day, will accelerate the process of change.

_MG_5284And along the way, you’ll inevitably find yourself answering the questions of who you are, what you want, where your life’s purpose lies.  Because meeting the demands of that daily series is very like another type of meditation; you’re focused; you’re present; you’ve opened the door to that secret, creative part of your mind and heart and you’re listening to what it says.  It’s… like studying the reflections in the water in order to understand what they’re an image of.

And I’ve discovered that in making the walk up to the top of Barn Bluff, in taking pictures of the sunrise and being aware of what’s around me, the Master Keys and Og and the exercises all make so much more sense.  I can apply the principles to my actions, my thoughts, my plans.  It’s a connection that I just don’t feel in the Alliances or during the webinars.  I read, I listen, I understand… but I don’t feel.  And I see blog posts and shares in the Alliances, people who are manifesting exactly what they’ve always wanted, which feeds belief and enthusiasm, which accelerates the change, which in turn fuels greater belief and enthusiasm, and those folk are radiating gratitude and appreciation of Mark, Davene, and the guides… and sometimes I wonder what’s wrong with me, that I continue to view the people and the process with the eyes of an outsider, an observer, a non-participant.

On the other hand, maybe some of that is how it’s supposed to work.  We start out dependent, feeling our way into the power of the world within through the help of Mark, Davene and the guides, taking uncertain steps into the darkness until we find our light – following the gurus, however little they want to be thought of as such!  But then, because we’ve been openly and yet subtly retaught how to think for ourselves, we graduate to forging our own meanings, our own interpretations:  Haanel, Og, Campbell, Wooden, Allen, Hill, as their wise words apply to us, specifically, instead of a more sweeping, generalized, one-size-fits-all outlook.

The principles remain; solid, unchanging.  But the details of the application become more personalized, tailored to our own uniqueness.

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Week One – Am I really ready for this?

So, just kind of an excerpt from my journal on the day I was accepted:

“September 17th, 2014 – Wednesday

“Oh my gods, I got in, I got in, I got in!!!  What a fantastical birthday gift!  I found out while I was canning today; Leanne texted me at the same time Don called to let me know!  I wasn’t going to look at the list until tomorrow – easier not to feel anxious or crushing disappointment if I give them a lot of time to get through the applications on their way to mine.

“Ohhhh…. what if I do something wrong?  What if I lose the scholarship?  I need this!  Ted needs it too.  I wish he’d apply, but I just can’t get him interested – I must not be explaining it right.”

Fast-forward a couple of weeks, and we’ve now had our first webinar.  That was a lot of fun.  Ted, Lee, Leanne, Don and I all met at Don and Leanne’s house – we weren’t sure if we all had to log into the webinar to get credit, or what, and I was a little concerned we wouldn’t all be able to, all at once, but it worked out.  Every time a video glitched or there were technical difficulties, we chuckled; the first SNAFU, where we couldn’t hear Mark, Ted commented, “I like that they’re having problems, and that they’re letting us see them – proves that it’s not canned.  I’d hate for this to be canned.  That’d be such a let down.”

And the whole time I was wondering in the back of my mind what I was going to write for my blog post.

Then, the last three mornings in a row, I’ve woken up between three and four in the morning with my mind buzzing, running hither and yon, and I couldn’t slip back into a sound sleep until I gave up and started my day, groggy and a bit puzzled.

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You know that line in Scroll One of The Greatest Salesman?  “As the words of these scrolls are consumed by my mysterious mind, I will begin to awake, each morning, with a vitality I have never known before.  My vigor will increase…”  That was the first thought in my brain as my bleary eyes opened to take in the red lines on the clock.  Then came, You have got to be kidding me.

I’m indolent by nature.  I like sleeping.  I like relaxing.  I like sprawling full-length on the couch doing nothing other than providing a hot-water-bottle effect for the cats and maybe doing some reading at the same time.  I don’t do much of any, simply because there’s so much else I want – and have – to get done.  And the past three mornings, ever since I started reading Scroll One, are interfering in my six-to-eight hours of lovely, delicious, uninterrupted sleep!

The thought occurred to me last night as I was penning my journal that the hours between when my mind wakes buzzing and when I would ordinarily get up could be my most productive of the day.  The thought occurred this morning that I did swear to myself I would take the changes that came, embrace them and allow myself to develop naturally through these next six months.

Oh, but it’s interfering in my sleep.  And I wonder if resisting building a new blueprint is ever acceptable.  I wonder if I really am a morning person disguised as a night owl.  I wonder, if I ignore the fact I’m waking up, will my sleep patterns go back to normal once my subconscious assimilates the new programming.

I swear, if I wake up tomorrow morning at between three and four, I’m getting up and blogging the stream of consciousness running through my brain until I’ve downloaded enough to sleep again.  Then when I wake up for real I’ll post it for everyone to read, whether it makes sense or not.

Because this can’t be part of the bargain… right?

It’s not sleep I’m going to have to sacrifice for the achievement of my DMP and the creation of my new self… is it?

Seriously… is it?