Oh my dear and precious gods, what was I thinking? I just changed schedules at work AGAIN so I’m already constantly tired, we’re slammed with orders so overtime is a regular occurrence, I have to put in consistent effort to getting new novelty products up for sale every single day, with Jerry still recovering from heart surgery I’m the only one keeping up on laundry and dishes and the finances, we have to get to Jerry’s cardio rehab sessions three days a week and that takes two and a half to three hours, and oh, crap, I have to make time to write a blog, WHERE ARE THE 30 HOURS MARK SAYS I’M SUPPOSED TO HAVE?!? I am crazy to think I could do this, why am I putting myself through it?!
Such was the racing of my brain on Thursday. And then an odd thing happened. From deep inside came a little voice saying, “Hold on a second. You did your morning reads, all three of them. You started moving through the last set of design uploads looking for errors, and corrected five of them. You created a new .csv to bulk upload and meet your daily goal of new designs. You read the Key. You made sure Jerry has an easy-to-reheat meal for his dinner when you’re at work, and you’re on schedule to leave at two and stop at the store to pick up salad for your work lunch. You’ve accomplished more than you think you have in the last two and a half hours.”
But I didn’t finish reviewing the last design set for errors! I silently protest. I ran out of time because I had to de-prioritize that or I wouldn’t have gotten the Master key read or Jerry taken care of or the new file prepped so those designs could upload while I’m at work…
“You don’t have to finish it all at once,” my inner voice reminded me. “You just need to do a little bit every day. It’ll be done in no time.”
And you know, inner me was right. I had accomplished a lot in a short time. And there would be time on breaks to do my midday reads, plus almost two hours after work to reconcile a month’s worth of backloaded finances, get the sit in, and do my final reads of the night before falling into bed. So why the frantic rush?
Because this is my pattern. Overwhelm myself with my to-do list until I feel justified in feeling angry and put upon, and then feel justified in doing nothing so that I can binge watch a favorite show because I have ‘no time to get anything done.’ But the truth is, there’s always time. Everyone has exactly the same number of hours, minutes, and seconds in the day, and we all fill that time, moment to moment. The only question is, what are we filling it with? Excuses and emotional justifications? Or little things, done consistently, that add up to big things over time?
Time to break the pattern of rush-rush-rush-I can’t get anything done because I haven’t the time, and replace it with, I do a little bit on the important tasks every day, and over time, everything that needs to gets done.
Including a blog post.